Sunday, November 29, 2015

My wish for you, stranger.

Hey there, stranger.

It’s been a very long time... I’d like to say that I’m glad you are well.

The one thing that can not definitely be done is to cut ties, to leave no strand behind, to slice right through until we no longer remember how to find each other because we have a son.

You knew me inside and out, and I, you. We were there for each other in the best of times and through the most difficult of times. We definitely managed to put each other through hell on occasion, but when support was needed the most, support was given. I mean, we’ve been through so much. You are a part of my life.

You can’t be forgotten because forgetting you would be like forgetting myself — impossible. But then again, maybe you are right. Maybe we are better off as far apart as possible.

We know it would never work... We would keep on hurting each other and it’s not my heart that I’m worried about, but yours. Breaking my own heart would be my responsibility to bear, but I can’t once again be responsible for breaking yours.

So all that I can do is wish you the best. Wish you a great, bright, loving future. Wish you to find the lover of your dreams and to create a lifetime of your fantasies.

I wish for you to find a friend as great as me, but a much better partner. One who won’t drag you through the mud. One who you won’t feel the need to bury with guilt.

I wish you all the best...  wish you nothing short of happiness.

Remember your fatush once in a while...



Tuesday, November 24, 2015

I know we are cool!

I will not make you let me miss out or me let you miss out life... Remember, life is to short to be unhappy. =)  I hope you can see the sincerity of my heart and wish. =)


"Cool" - by Gwen Stefani


It's hard to remember how it felt before 
Now I found the love of my life 
Passes things, get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else 
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends 
After all that we've been through 
I know we're cool I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made 
Look how all the kids have grown, 
We have changed but we're still the same 
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool I know we're cool

Yeah, I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles
And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend 
So far from where we've been 
I know we're cool I know we're cool

Cool, yeah I know we're cool

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Large heart

I admit I had made some poor choices, I had broken a lot of hearts and I had been insensitive but atleast I accepted that I have erred and that I have learned.

Today, I wanna show that I am capable of redeeming myself by focusing on myself and my son. I have decided to let go of the things and people that hurt me unknowingly or purposely and start again.



Tuesday, November 17, 2015

I didn't know my own strength

"I am strong because I know my weakness.
I am beautiful because I am aware of my flaws.
I am fearless because I learned to recognize illusion from real.
I am wise because I learned from my mistakes.
I love because I have felt hate.
And
I can laugh because I have known sadness."


Believe that you can Tatin and you're halfway there!

"I Didn't Know My Own Strength"
Whitney Houston

Lost touch with my soul
I had nowhere to turn, I had nowhere to go
Lost sight of my dream
Thought it would be the end of me

I thought I'd never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to
I, I thought I would break

I didn't know my own strength
And I crashed down and I tumbled but I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn't know my own strength

Survived my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up, hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength

Found hope in my heart
I found the light to life my way out of the dark
Found all that I need here inside of me

I thought I'd never find my way
I thought I'd never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn't know my own strength
And I crashed down and I tumbled but I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn't know my own strength

Survived my darkest hour, my faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up, hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength

There were so many times I wondered
How I'd get through the night
I thought I took all that I could take

I didn't know my own strength
And I crashed down and I tumbled but I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn't know my own strength

My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up, I hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength

I was not built to break, no, no
I got to know my own strength



Monday, November 16, 2015

Confused

I begin to find it amusing rather than upsetting when people start to drift apart and become "strangers again". I have always said it here in my site to never forget and to always cherish those who were always at your side during the toughest times but sometimes things happen and you have no choice but to try to forget them.

I, for one have this one person whom I thought was genuinely real in showing his care, concern, or affection (I no longer know which is which). Honestly, it made me feel so secured and safe. While he healed, I too healed. The companionship has been favorable to both and I am thankful. And then one day, just like that... I no longer knew who he is and I can no longer look at him the way I did when we were together, when I left him and when we decided to become friends. Painful as it may seem, people change, people grow...and most of the time people grow apart...people move on.

On that part, I am lost, hurt and confused maybe because I am losing a big part of myself for good and for real... and I am having a hard time digesting that fact. Part of me says, I am happy that finally he is getting what he deserves and part of me is really really upset.

Messages no longer came, I no longer have the courage to send any like the old days, if there may be some... replies came almost forever.  I can no longer feel the same comfort and warmth. It's now plain awkwardness and silence...I can no longer be myself and laugh the loudest in his company... I guess that's the reason why I am hurt.

Oh well, atleast I can start being with myself. It may be hard to be alone but I'd rather enjoy on my own than be with people who no longer wants my company or be with random people for the sake of having company. Opppsss, atleast I have these few good friends who check on me from time to time. God is still good!



Sooo confused,

Tatin

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Liberate

Today, I am grateful for the few good friends who unselfishly take their time to help me find myself in moments I am no longer unsure of who I am, those friends who always remind me to stay grounded and those people who love and accept me unconditionally, those people who do not hurt me purposely.

All I thought, I am unloved and alone for the longest time, running after people who are not genuine enough.  I am blissful to love myself more now... Thank you Lord, I may have many unanswered questions, I am choosing today to let it go and focus on the person that matters the most, my son.
It is liberating indeed to accept things that can't be undone and save myself from tearing apart. Yes, I am saving what is left of me for the only boy who will be constant in my life, Remus.



Cheer up Tatin, you are beautiful inside out and always remember that the right people know that. Never prove your soul to the wrong people because they don't deserve every bit of it.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Teardrops

Here's a song that reflects the words of someone that crushed me when I heard them straight from his mouth.

Pasensya Ka Na - by Silent Sanctuary

Hindi mo na mapipilit, wala ng babalikan
Sa liwanag mong nang-aakit, ayoko ng masaktan
Nakikiusap sayo, patawarin mo na lang ako
Patawarin

Pasensya ka na at 'di ko na rin madama
Kay tagal kitang hinihintay
Pasensya ka na at kaya ko ng mag-isa
Kalayaan sa kamay ng lumbay

Ikaw na rin ang nag-sabi, tapos na ang lahat
Uunahin na ang sarili, makuha lang ang sapat
'Wag ka sanang magtampo, mas mabuti na ako'y lumayo
Lumayo

Pasensya ka na at 'di ko na rin madama
Kay tagal kitang hinihintay
Pasensya ka na at kaya ko ng mag-isa
Kalayaan sa kamay ng lumbay

Pasensya ka na at 'di ko na rin madama
Kay tagal kitang hinihintay
Pasensya ka na at kaya ko ng mag-isa
Kalayaan sa kamay ng lumbay

Pasensya ka na at 'di ko na rin madama
Kay tagal kitang hinihintay
Pasensya ka na at kaya ko ng mag-isa
Kalayaan sa kamay ng lumbay

Pasensya ka na
Pasensya ka na
Pasensya ka na
Pasensya ka na


Sunday, November 8, 2015

Fly away...


When you break up with a person, you don't lose just one person.
You lose a lot.
You lose a lot of things, a lot of people.
They take away the moments you spent with them.
They take away that time you put in to build that kind of life.
They take away friends -their friends whom you had started liking and some who had become good friends.
They take away those songs you used to listen when you were together.
Those lanes where you used to walk.
Those movies you watched with them. And the ones which you didn't but were going to.
They take away the person you had become when you were with them. Your identity you had associated yourself with. You were theirs for so long- being someone else's was a part of your identity.
They take away those small things you had saved- now you have no use of the ticket from your first movie or the gift wrappers you managed to save.
They take away those smiles you smiled when someone teased you with their name.
They take away those Facebook tags and photos and status updates which are now meaningless.
They take away those tears, because you will never cry for the same things again, not for another person.
And with all this they take themselves away making sure that you hate some of the things you loved including them.

- Ridhima Shukla

Thankful

Waking up to a brand new day in a hospital bed alive and feeling normal again is another gift to be grateful for.



Thank you Lord for this second chance. I promise that I'll cherish and take care of myself today and I will never take it for granted again.

More reasons to be thankful..
- Gotta selfie pa more
- drink coffee every morning
- more make ups
- laugh my heart out with friends
- and mostly more time with family

Gotta go ladies!


Friday, November 6, 2015

For sure...




Line from One More Chance...

" I love you and I will tell you everyday. 
Everyday until you forget the things that hurt.
I hate the things that make you hurt and how I wish
I could take them away.
If only it could be done.
I'll do it for sure."

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Still...but too late

Today, I woke up feeling really broken and terrible...my unhealthy habits, poor diet, work stress and personal chaos have been takin toll on my body that I am sick again and getting weaker everyday.

I just want to drop a letter today...somethin so personal...somethin from my soul...

To the person whose heart I broke...

More than a decade ago we were good friends... We would always laugh at night with your silly tales and have a good time with your fantastic guitar skills. And then on one Christmas eve, we finally moved from being friends to couples. Do you still remember our first I love you's? Our first Christmas kiss near our window pane? It felt surreal...falling inlove to the point of madness. Your smile, your scent, your laugh, your love... It was truly an answered prayer. All I ever wanted at that time is to spend my whole life loving you.

And so, after a year of being sweerhearts, we decided to move in... And started a family. It was just crazy, we were sooo young, reckless and unprepared with the challenges of staying together but we managed to make it work through the years. We were almost perfect...

But of course, like in any other relationships, we had our fair share of many fights, confrontations, and misundertandings. You are rational and I am emotional...we clashed and I thought our differences could be reconciled but as time flies it made me grew distant.

If only hadn't been that selfish and spoiled, if I had been open about my demons, I could have done something about it. I admit it was my fault and these ifs have all come and gone and I am left with the reality of these lost chances.

I am sorry...I took your love for granted many times.
I am sorry...I cannot cook a decent meal but God knows I tried but with a warm smile you happily ate what is served infront.
I am sorry...I always nag to the point of driving you crazy, to the point of pushing you the wall, to the point of unleashing your dark side that made you violent at times.
I am sorry...I was materialistic at that time but you did your best to give me everything I want and I deserved.
I am sorry...I belittled your work and hated your career  but you showed me that it can provide.
I am sorry... I left you humiliated and badly hurt but you still gave me the care I no longer deserved.
I am sorry...I was too proud to admit I am at fault and I fucked up.

I am sorry for breaking your heart the way I did. It was so unfair and you never deserved it...

I know the word sorry will never be enough to redeem myself and fix things that I have broken but I am still hopeful that one day...

That one day... You will look at me the same. The look of so much love and appreciation. I miss it and how I want to have it again.

But then I am just too late... If only I could turn back time and fix every thing, God knows I would...But I can't.

I heard you found your new love and happiness, I was devastated and at that moment I realized how foolish I am to have let you down...those kind smiles, those warm hugs, those ardent kisses, those wise words, those unlimitted appreciations, those special treatments... I miss them but they are not mine anymore.

I love you still...too bad I am too late.

Monday, November 2, 2015

I learned that...

I learned that the most dangerous heart is that which does not know what love entails but carelessly ensnares another.

I learned that the most dangerous heart is from one that claims to love you earnestly but without commitment; bolts with the wind when reality sets in and finds the object of affection less favourable than its deals or set expectations.

I learned that the most dangerous heart is that which can change in a heartbeat and discard another ruthlessly - numb, with no  care of how painful, traumatic and heartbreaking it would be.

I learned that the words of love are so good to hear and it is prudent not to trust them. These can just be words without any meaning.

I learned that people you love most can be the ones to not mind turning your world upside down and leave you out hanging to dry.

I learned that love is a choice and a commitment to an imperfect person. It is complete acceptance of both light and darkness.

I learned that love is a journey of happy and wholehearted compromises. We can't always have all the qualities and conditions we look for but we can choose to learn and appreciate our differences; motivate each other for the better.

Believe in love but do not love recklessly.

Berlin - artparasites (Charis Gaye)










Tatin

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Butterflies


"Someone once said, if you want something very badly, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with." 
Diana to John, Indecent Proposal 1993


"It's all about a dream anyway... One summer night dream. It was like a summer night dream. It's time for me to disappear now, like last night's dream. Annyeong." 
Cha Eun Sang to Kim Tan, The Heirs 2013


"I want to break up, that's my wish. We always face each other this close, but we were always very far from each other. You don't have to be sorry, I had known it all along. Bye, oppa."
Hyun Joo to Kim Won, The Heirs 2013.

Hello Sweet November.